Vlog 1: Just Getting Started
I recorded my first vlog earlier than I intended because of how I was feeling regarding choosing, editing, and posting a few photos on Instagram. After hours of editing an album’s worth of photos using various filters and face-morphing apps, I decided enough was enough. Even though I was able to look at the pictures with fond memories from that weekend when I attended a fraternity formal, I could not bring myself to post it because I was picking apart my physical appearance so much. I did not feel like I did not look pretty or skinny enough to post the photos I had spent all day editing, even with the edits I had made.
I was worried about posting an unedited version of my photos because then my photos would look sub-par compared to the sea of edited photos I would be competing with. But who am I competing against? Why am I treating social media like a playing field?
I realized that I needed to change my mindset when it came to posting on social media. The anticipated comments and number of likes should be an afterthought, while the content itself should be the priority. I thought outside companies and influencers, not Instagram itself, was promoting the editing of photos and the filters that are “needed” to look your best. In this vlog, I concluded that treating Instagram and other social media platforms as a “highlight” reel, would take the pressure off of posting.
I did not post the fraternity formal photos, even after telling the audience that I needed a different viewpoint when it comes to posting to social media. At the end of the study, I still used filters and edited my face because I still feel that I cannot post anything unedited. While logically I know I would not receive any hate comments from my friends and family, I feel as though a picture is not done until it is tweaked to perfection.
Vlog 2: The First Breakdown
In my second vlog, I filmed myself mid anxiety attack after having been on social media for six hours straight. I explain that I used to go on social media first thing in the morning in order to get whatever dopamine I needed to start the day. However, after months of doing this, the happiness and gratification I used to get from starting my day on social media became replaced by numbness and apathy. I felt ashamed and disappointed in myself for letting myself scroll for that long and not being productive. Because my roommate leaves town often and is not around, I basically live by myself, and while I am extroverted, I tend to fall into patterns of isolation. These patterns of isolation, I now realize, are perpetuated by scrolling through social media upon waking up. I found out that what I was experiencing was a result of a phenomenon called “doom scrolling.”
In her article titled “How to Stop Doom Scrolling,” Sarah Watts (2020) defines doom scrolling, also referred to as doom surfing, as “the tendency to continue to surf or scroll through bad news, even though that news is saddening, disheartening, or depressing.” The phrase was coined on Twitter sometime in 2018 but has become more popular during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic in March and April of 2020 (Watts, 2020). While this term is usually associated with the intake of negative news, it also refers to mindlessly scrolling on social media for hours on end without realizing the time. The intense anxiety I felt after looking at my phone screen for that long of a time was, in a way, the wake-up call I needed. I realized that unless I exerted self-control and moderated my social media use, I was not going to find a healthy middle ground.
Vlog 3: Finding Comfort Through Community
In my third vlog, I open up about my grandfather’s death. My grandfather was the most important person in my life as I was his only grandchild and best friend. At first, I did not like the texts and calls I received from my friends and family offering their condolences because I was not ready to face the reality that my grandfather was gone. However, when I was ready for that support, I posted an Instagram story announcing his death, and the love and support I received from my friends, family, and even those I have contacted in years, was immense - and exactly what I needed. I learned that social media, despite its downsides, was one of the best ways to foster community and connection.
I did not document my grieving process as I was still navigating my feelings, but social media helped me heal. I found support groups on Facebook for those grieving a loved one, therapists on Instagram who posted free content about how to process loss, and TikToks of people sharing their experiences with grief that made me feel less alone in my healing journey.
Vlog 4: Celebrating Others
In my fourth vlog, I was scrolling on social media before bed and found out that a couple that I am friends with announced their engagement. It was heartwarming to see the outpour of support in the comments they were receiving on their posts. While some content creators are flaunting their money, perceivably superior looks, and promoting unrealistic beauty standards in order to capitalize on their followers’ insecurities, seeing my friend’s engagement announcement reminded me what Instagram was created for in the first place - as a vehicle for celebrating and sharing moments of your life instantly through pictures and videos. So the question remains: are the social media platforms perpetuating poor mental health, or are we responsible for who we follow?
Vlog 5: Productivity First, Social Media Second
In my fifth vlog, I picked up my camera right before going to bed. On that day, I overslept and did not have the time to procrastinate on my phone. Aside from posting to Twitter, I did not look at social media until I was done with school work. When I eventually did pick up my phone to scroll on social media, I found the content I was scrolling through to be more entertaining and relaxing. When I scrolled through TikTok while I was eating dinner, I was able to stop myself when I needed to.
By not starting my morning by looking at my phone, I was able to focus on the tasks at hand. The dopamine I received from being productive in addition to scrolling on social media with a free conscious made me feel fantastic. In contrast, on the days when I began looking at my phone, I would get caught doom scrolling, realize how much time had passed, become anxious, procrastinate, and turn in my assignments late.
TikTok user Cameron Rosin explains how picking up our phones first thing in the morning can decrease our motivation and provides us with actionable steps as to how to avoid handicapping our morning routine.
Vlog 6: Post What You Love, Love What You Post
When I first started The Social Experiment, my goal was to post once a day to either Instagram, Twitter, or Tik Tok. I was proud of the content I created for TikTok and Twitter, but I did not like the content I had prepared for Instagram. I came to the conclusion that if the goal of The Social Experiment was to form healthy social media habits, posting for the sake of remaining relevant would lead to ingenuine content.
At this point in the experiment, I learned that the more I post to Instagram, the more likes and comments I received. The Instagram algorithm was used to update users’ feeds chronologically and displayed posts in the order that they were created. However, in recent years, the Instagram algorithm has evolved from one algorithm to several algorithms that aim to show a user the most relevant content they are most likely to engage with. Therefore, the more a user posts, the better chance they have of reaching viewers. In a sense, the Instagram algorithm has become competitive, and users are fighting to have their content show up on their friend’s feeds (Geyser, 2022).
In the past, I felt like I had to post content that I had just collected as soon as possible - because I wanted the instant gratification of receiving likes and comments. In this vlog, I learned that I can take my time to post something and if I don’t like the content I have collected, I am not obligated to appease the Instagram algorithm.
Vlog 7: Making My Scrapbook
In my seventh vlog, I found a video by TikTok user taytoom who treats Instagram like a scrapbook to make posting more fun. I appreciated how she learned to have fun with the editing process; I dread editing my photos because I overthink the changes I have made, become overwhelmed with the process, and end up not posting the photo I had been editing for several hours. When I tried editing my photos into a digital scrapbook like taytoom, I fell into the same pattern of overthinking and scrapping my creation. I am still trying to find a way to make posting more fun.
Vlog 8: No Likes, No Problem
I had just discovered a new feature on Instagram where I could hide the likes I received on my photos as well as the likes others received on theirs. Without seeing the likes of others, the metric by which I had based my value, I felt freed from the fear of posting without receiving likes. Instead of posting in hopes of being recognized by my followers as “worthy,” I was able to post without obsessing over whether or not my content was worth sharing. In her article, “How Social Media Affects Self Esteem,” Cho writes:
“Have you ever felt instant gratification after posting a photo on Instagram or Facebook due to a stream of incoming likes or comments? Or have you ever felt anxious or unsure about yourself right after posting something if the likes or comments weren’t as high as you expected? I know I’ve experienced both feelings as a relatively frequent user of Instagram. It’s certainly normal to feel happy when you receive likes and comments on your posts. In fact, it’s likely to temporarily boost your self-esteem. It is crucial to see, however, how this may begin to affect how we value ourselves. Likes and comments are signs of validation. The more likes we get, the better we tend to feel. But when this happens, we place the value of others’ opinions above our own. Letting other people determine your self-worth is a surefire way to destruct self-confidence and feel less-than-adequate. Remember that your own opinion is way more valuable than anyone else’s. “
And I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Vlog 9: Glitches and Disappointment
In my ninth vlog, TikTok glitched and one of the features I was going to use to edit a video became unavailable. I was making a TikTok about an Uber driver I had who installed two Nintendo 64 gaming consoles into his car for his passengers to play. I wanted to use the closed captions feature as well as a feature that played a voice over of the text on the screen. I looked at tutorials as to why these editing features were not available, and the only solution I could find was deleting and redownloading the TikTok app. Unfortunately, this would delete all of the footage I collected of my Uber ride. Because of this glitch, I had to compromise the creativity and accessibility of my video. When I redownloaded the app, all of the features were available. This did not discourage me from posting, but I was frustrated and disappointed because I felt that it was the best content I had collected for The Social Experiment. I learned that, unfortunately, not everything is going to go as planned, and sometimes I will lose footage that I love, but that is one of the struggles of a content creator.
Vlog 10: Sick and Tired
In my tenth vlog, I started hitting a breakpoint point emotionally. I recognized that I tend to fall victim to the TikTok and Instagram algorithms, and found that YouTube’s algorithm was better for my mental health. I spent the day playing with my dog while playing Youtube videos on the television. My roommate was occupied and I needed to be around people, but we were snowed in. The content creators on YouTube served as that someone; watched my one of my favorite content creators, Colleen Ballinger, who I admire for her vulnerability in her daily vlogs, and I felt like I was FaceTiming an old friend.
Of all the social media platforms, I felt that YouTube was the platform that bred authenticity because the content creators on the app mostly daily vlog relatable content. I think this is because the platform is not image-based and does not offer immediate access to filters that distort the content. I also noticed that, similar to Instagram, a lot of TikTok creators try to portray a seemingly perfect life by only showing highlight reels and filtered content. However, because TikToks are only video, there are still content creators on the app that post three minute vlogs that are relatable, touching, and raw.
Instagram has become known as the “copy cat” app because when a social media app comes out with a feature that gains popularity, Instagram adopts a similar feature. The app has become so complex and overwhelming that I prefer platforms like YouTube where there are only videos.
Vlog 11: Technical Difficulties
In my eleventh vlog, I expressed my frustration with wanting to make this project with the best quality possible. I had spent the day trying to figure out how to work a professional vlog camera, setting up lights, and setting up a microphone, but I felt inauthentic when I filmed. I felt that it was so much easier to turn on my phone at a moment's notice and document how I felt in that moment. I found that on my low-energy days, the most I can produce is a tweet because to me, crafting a tweet takes minimal effort. Up until this vlog, I was inconsistent with vlogging and posting content, and made a plan to post once a day to either Instagram, Twitter, or Tik Tok in hopes of ensuring that I remain an active poster and not a passive viewer. After rewatching this vlog, I seem to enjoy the process of vlogging and talking to a camera, but I dread editing myself because that is where I overcomplicate things.
Vlog 12: Running Late & App Limits
In my twelfth vlog, I was late to class because I chose to scroll on social media upon waking up. This was a habit I often fell victim to when I was addicted to social media in high school and part of college, and embarrassingly was the main reason why I was late to so many meetings. I realized that this habit needed to stop immediately because as I am getting older, my obligations will become more and more important. While I was at my sorority’s weekly chapter dinner, my friend informed me of a feature on the new iOs update where you can set time limits on apps. This update was a complete game-changer in my relationship with social media. I have mentioned in previous vlogs how TikTok is my kryptonite, so I set a daily one-hour limit on the app. When the timer goes off, the app will lock and the only way I can gain access to it is if I try to bypass the system. But realizing that I have been scrolling on an app for an hour and having an alarm go off to stop my doom scrolling has helped me to put the phone down and focus.
Vlog 13: The Perfect Distraction
In my thirteenth vlog, I was sick with a head cold and flu-like symptoms. I couldn’t fall asleep and had been awake all night. I decided that I would pick up my phone and scroll on TikTok to distract me from my restlessness. I started to feel much better because I wasn’t paying attention to my aches and pains anymore - I was too busy laughing at silly dog videos! When the one-hour time limit alarm went off, I bypassed the app lock because TikTok was actually helping. I used my being sick as an excuse to be unproductive and doom scroll, which deterred my progress in practicing self-control. I became self-aware of the fact that I was reaching the threshold of my social media intake as I was feeling anxious, so I took a break and picked up my vlog camera. Even though I felt accomplished in becoming attuned to my emotional needs in correlation with my social media intake, I was still choosing to indulge in bad scrolling habits. Similar to my sixth vlog, I was looking forward to Valentine’s Day weekend and getting pictures of my dog with a cone on his head at the vet so I could provide good content - but I was posting for the wrong reasons.
Vlog 14: Fun with Photoshoots & Going Viral
In my fourteenth vlog, I set up an at-home photo and video shoot with an iPhone tripod and posted to TikTok and Instagram. I made the process of filming fun for myself by doing my hair and makeup inspired by my favorite show, Euphoria, before filming. I did not feel overwhelmed with filming and editing TikToks because it was a convenient way to vlog. TikToks can be as curated or as casual as a user wants, and the app makes it easy to do both. I was frustrated with the TikTok algorithm because only one of my videos went viral, amassing over 200,000 views, but my other content flopped. From this experience, I theorized that the TikTok algorithm would occasionally boost my videos so I would remain motivated to post content in hopes of going viral. However, the TikTok algorithm is more complex than that. YouTuber Robert Benjamin does a great job of explaining how the TikTok algorithm works in his video, “TIKTOK ALGORITHM UPDATE! The Latest 2022 TikTok Algorithm Explained (March 2022).”
Vlog 15: Dragging My Feet
In my fifteenth vlog, I admit that I have been irresponsible with my social media usage. Prior to getting sick, I was self-disciplined, focused, and had a balanced relationship with social media. When I became sick and used it as an excuse to ignore the practices I had put into place, it began to affect my school work. Instead of focusing on being an active social media user, I had to put The Social Experiment aside and focus on my other classes. In addition, I had an Instagram post edited and ready to post from when I had my photoshoot, but I was getting cold feet about posting. Even though I said I didn’t know why I was stressing out about posting to Instagram, in retrospect I think I was self-conscious and overwhelmed after editing the photos for so long.
Vlog 16: Overposting & Trying New Things
In my sixteenth vlog, I threw away my original plan of posting every day to social media as I realized how unhealthy it became for my mental health.. I was so concerned with posting for The Social Experiment, that I ended up posting content that I put no effort in and was not proud of, and in turn my self esteem was affected. I also came up with the idea of creating a separate account for TikTok dedicated to fashion vlogging and style tips. When I worked in social media marketing last summer, I learned that in order to have a successful TikTok account, the content has to fall into a niche category (i.e. travel, food, lifestyle, etc.). The TikTok algorithm recognizes an account’s niche and then boosts its posts, gaining more exposure, followers, and engagement. I thought that creating a separate account with a specific theme would encourage me to post more, but I never made the account and forgot about the idea entirely. I was inspired and motivated by the thought of creating content that I felt passionate about, and I learned that I didn't have to make a new TikTok account in order to post what I loved.
Vlog 17: Relapsing
In my seventeenth vlog, I’m emotionally drained from editing footage of myself for The Social Experiment. Prior to this project, I had only edited photos for Instagram or used a filter over a ten-second snapchat video or Instagram story. I was reluctant to keep vlogging for a time because I knew that would just be more footage to edit. I have a predisposition to body image issues and an eating disorder, and my insecurities worsened as I had to watch, rewatch, and edit untouched footage of myself every day. As my insecurities worsened, so did my social media habits; I started ignoring the time limits I put on TikTok and Instagram, it became harder to fall asleep because of how much I exposed myself to screens, and the Instagram post I had edited a week prior remained in my library because I became so self-conscious. The symptoms I was experiencing indicated that I had become re-addicted to social media.
Vlog 18: Drained Battery
In my eighteenth vlog, I came to the realization that I had been spending too much time passively scrolling instead of posting content. In the beginning of The Social Experiment, I was inspired by the challenge to create content. I saw each day as a new opportunity to create something new and engage with the online community, but as the days went by, I lost my motivation to create anything. I also fell into the habit of opening Instagram when my TikTok time limit was up because Instagram adopted a feature called Instagram Reels that is an exact replica of TikTok’s platform. Because my favorite TikTok creators posted their content to Instagram reels, The more I scrolled on TikTok and Instagram, the less I wanted to post, and I became the passive scroller I vowed I would never be again.
Vlog 19: Under Pressure
In my nineteenth vlog, I am so overwhelmed with the amount of work I have been putting off because of social media. I fell back into the habit of looking at social media first thing in the morning. I had to put app restrictions on all social media platforms except Twitter. I had not posted in weeks on any platforms and I was still trying to get the courage to post the selfies I had taken weeks prior. Instead of becoming an active social media user, I became a passive observer. While in the vlog I said I didn’t know why it was taking me so long to post, I knew in my heart that it was because I was struggling with my eating disorders as a result of having to edit the content of myself daily. Because I rarely post content, I felt immense pressure to make whatever I post “perfect” which then led to me being overly critical of my online presence as well as my offline presence. I had fallen into a cycle where I took pictures and enjoyed the creative process, overthought my content, and then archived the photos I was planning to post.
Vlog 20: Not So Happy Birthday
In my twentieth vlog, I become frustrated with myself because of how little progress I have made in forming healthy social media habits. I had just realized that five days had gone by without me turning in assignments, editing my vlogs, and posting to social media. I was contemplating dropping The Social Experiment because all I could think about was posting to social media and then not following through with it. During this time, my anxiety was taking over my life as the reality that my undergraduate experience was ending so soon was setting in. Looking back on these vlogs, I believe that I was using social media as a way to numb myself and block out the idea of graduating, applying to jobs, and moving away from a place I loved so much. I was celebrating my dog’s first birthday that day and all I could think about was which ways I could document his birthday on social media and which platforms I should post his picture on. At that moment I stopped myself and asked, “What am I doing? Is this project worth my mental health?” It came to the point where I was posting for the sake of The Social Experiment and not for myself and my enjoyment. I knew I had to post for my project, but I felt paralyzed by my own self-criticism. I had been collecting more content throughout the week, but all I did was delete the posts after I uploaded them.
Vlog 21: Weights Off My Shoulders
In my twenty first vlog, I finally posted the Instagram post I had been mulling over for weeks. My mood was drastically different from the day prior because once I had posted the selfies and received so much love from my friends and family in the comments. All of the apprehension I had felt for weeks had dissipated, and I had been anxious about nothing. During high school, I was bullied for having a YouTube channel and received hate comments from my peers who I had to see everyday. I think that even though I have since surrounded myself with supportive, genuine friends, I still have PTSD about posting because I had received hate comments in the past. I can not tell if my newfound inspiration to post more was fueled by the dopamine I was getting from my notifications, or if I had realized that posting was not as anxiety-inducing as it should be. My motivation to post content proved to be short lived as this was the last time I posted to Instagram for The Social Experiment.
Vlog 22: Hobbies & Confronting Haters
In my twenty-second vlog, I was feeling more anxious than usual and was trying to find an activity that would help me to relax. When I was thinking of what to do aside from scrolling on social media or interacting with screens, I realized that all of my hobbies revolved around electronics and the internet; watching television, listening to music, playing video games all revolved around screen time. Since this vlog, I have gotten back into working out and experimenting with makeup, and I have been feeling much better as it dilutes my screen time.
I also had received a hate comment on TikTok, but was, to my surprise, completely unbothered. A friend of mine created a fan theory TikTok about our favorite show, Euphoria, and I commented that I totally agreed with her. An hour later, a random user had replied to my comment, trying to pick a fight with me. To me, it was a waste of energy to reply to someone I didn’t know who dedicated their free time to putting people down unprovoked. I am proud of myself that, despite having lost my confidence throughout this project, I knew better than to waste my time on someone that did not serve me.
Vlog 23: War on the Fourth Estate & Wrapping Up
In my twenty-third vlog, I celebrated what I had planned to be my last day of vlogging for The Social Experiment, but I also reflected on the current events that are happening in Ukraine. Putin had just declared war on Ukraine in hopes of taking over, and for the first time in my lifetime, I was able to see all of the events unfold on social media. Reporters and social media users in Ukraine were posting to Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok about the current situation. During this time, I did not feel like it was appropriate to post on social media. Through social media, we learned that Russia was banning the use of social media platforms so that the Russians could not see what was happening in Ukraine. Russian state-controlled news outlets were not allowed to report on why Russia was invading, and they had to refer to the war as the “special operation.” As technology and the ways in which we communicate have evolved, so has journalism. Because of social media, there is no barrier to entry as to who is a journalist. I am so grateful that I live in a country where our news is not completely censored, and that journalists are considered the Fourth Estate in order to hold government leaders accountable.
Throughout The Social Experiment, I have been trying to find ways to improve my social media use, but instead I have found “anti” findings. While I have discovered ways to limit my social media use and enjoy it more, I have also found that personally, my mental health is better when I am an inactive user. I am perfectly content with who I am following and not posting often. Overall, what I have learned from this experiment is that I need to cut back on doom scrolling; during the time that I was procrastinating with social media, I could have been editing my vlogs or using the platforms to engage with others and form connections. I learned through my Digital Photographic practices that I liked my photos to be curated, and taking the time to edit them in an artistic way with computer applications, such as Adobe Lightroom.
I was planning on doing a series of vlogs where I was going to give an in-depth overview of my findings, but my mental health took a turn for the worst.
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